1. |
Cut Myself Again (demo)
03:44
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2. |
Louberry (birthday mix)
05:07
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The world is falling apart
Seems like it has been for some time
And I know it’s been bothering you
We try to carve out joy
Keep these demons at bay
When the devil comes to claim his dues
I’m sorry you
Could dream more if you could get some sleep
But the night you seek is filled with much uncertainty
And there’s times when life is beautiful in both our eyes
I, I’ll try and get it wrong to make things right
I wish that you could tell me
All the things that you can’t see
Our world is holding us up
Buried in each other’s palms
Are the secrets we console
I’ve not figured out
But I can’t complain or catch my breath
When I keep filling these holes
I’m sorry you
Could be more than just the everything
I always need to fill the void with empathy
Cause it hurts sometimes like pages pulled apart from spines
In this book we write together while we shave off time
And leave inside the bathroom sink
Show me your heart and not your teeth
You never take for granted
Every kiss not open ended
Touch me, cut me, to make a sound
Touch me, want me
Dodged mirage to find oasis hiding in our mouths
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3. |
This Is Me
04:15
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This is me, not ready to bury you
I couldn’t take care of you
We’re so much alike, that way
This is me, not ready to say goodbye
To most you were just some guy
But to some you’re the most, they’d say
It’s cold in here
I know it’s not just me
No amount of anger
Will breathe life into your body
Like a constant wreck
With nothing left to repair
Your ship has sunk
And you’re not coming up for air
This is me, not ready to turn the page
I know what the next one says
I’ve read this book before, should’ve burned it then
This is me, reimagining disbelief
Finding no good in the grief
I’ve written this before, ask my pen
It’s cold in here
Despite the thermostat
All maps are useless
For saying where we’re at
It hurts to breathe
But I’ll join you if I don’t
Resting not peacefully
In a fresh filled six foot hole
Summer lessons plucked and carried til our fall
My depression like a fruit that’s soaked in salt
And the message that got there two days too late
Like refreshing on a purchase after the sale date
I’ll be alright
Yes, I’ll be alright
I’ll be alright
Just not tonight
I’m going to bed
Because you already did
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4. |
Kitchen Surgery
02:36
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Woke up stuck between
Wishing I was dead and wishing you were gone
And wishing that you’d never leave
Wishing this didn’t take so long
We said what we said
But I hadn’t even read
Every line that I’d wrote in my head
Performing kitchen surgery
Emotional infirmary
Inhospitable hospitality
When you wanna be alone
But you shouldn’t be alone
Staring at your phone, in the dark
If you can’t speak for yourself
Why are you speaking for me
For the echo in the shell?
Your silent face says everything
Screaming, drawn with all caps
I’m dreaming, of when I can nap
Without a churning in my gut
Or a taffy puller tongue
A finger ready to start
The timer on this bomb
We keep cutting in this line
Trying to prove that we’re right
Instead of letting the other one talk
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5. |
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6. |
Josh (quiet version)
04:34
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I’m pretty sure I’ve still got the number you changed sometime last year
So I can’t call to hear your voice or leave a pointless message there
Pretend that nothing has changed, pretend that life’s just got in our way
And that’s how I’ll have to think about you until it’s time to end my day
The last time that we talked it was so familiar strange
We tried to share a match to light our different exact place
Machine gun neurons mowing down goddamn you talked a lot
Sometimes it was a bit much, but goddamn we loved you, Josh
I remember every harmony you’d be upset I would rarely hit
I heard our songs today, I tried, guess what I still can’t
That time we saw The Weakerthans you told John K Samson that he wrote good songs
He looked at you as confused as naked virgins after prom
There’s a knot where my spleen would hurt from running too long
And I’m not being mean to say fuck you for choosing to get gone
But I’ve held the bullet, blade, the bottled pills, toes kissing edge
I’ve sunk my heart into other people trying to feel less dead
I wish that I didn’t understand it enough to wish I understood
Friendship is unspoken promises to accept faults in people you think good
I wish that I didn’t understand enough to wish I understood
If I tried hard, it’s something I could do
But I’ll drink to, laugh from, sing of something true
You loved us, we loved you too
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7. |
Sternal Rub (dirty demo)
04:37
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In smoke filled laughs to yourself
The drugs are becoming a drag
Over all your overall health
Is clean as surrender’s flag
Giving up on giving in
To giving in to giving up
I haven’t had enough
Of having had enough of
Contingent ultimatum
Assisting all your principles
Like lost bets never paid on
False sense of invincible
Giving up on...
A sternal rub for tired eyes seeing everyone
As they are, as the monster’s they’ve become
Sleeping in the beds they once hid beneath
Escaped from your nightmares to your dreams
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Vern Conmey (Could've) San Francisco, California
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