Beach Theme Panic Room

by Vern Conmey (Could've)

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recorded using one mic and an acoustic in my bedroom and bathroom on a mondo budget while I didn't have any neighbors in the adjoining apartments to complain about my racket...


released May 10, 2017

I did all of it.



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Vern Conmey (Could've) San Francisco, California

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Track Name: Believe In Not Believing
this prayer for mythologies
this prayer for a place out of reach
so much for heaven
so much for hell
held by both
by their thermal noise
by a song we all know
a song we can't sing
our mouths can't shape the white notes

turning the gun on itself
we'll travel so far only to die once we get there
so don't you sleep the whole ride through
look to see what disappoints you

you're a ship dragging your anchor
tilling shoreline, telling sure lies
on certainty you sold them
and now you smile using teeth you were not born with
it's supposed to say you care
but you carelessly threw them away

plied and pried by tiny fingers
a couple fuck you's taller than their kin
intent on doing lasting damage
it's new holes in old talk

our homes reduced to embers
our bones returned to sender

I believe in... not believing
Track Name: Crooked Wrists (Squirrel E mix)
lonely demonstrative
I hang myself like a picture of a criminal
a few degrees off, un-straight
your fingertips touch my edge to right my frame
of mind, of altitude
sound might, no attitude
broke by, broken after you
no, I am not shatter proof

if you fail to try, you will cut yourself
on my disassembled pieces on your floor
step light, tender feet, these calloused reasons
posing threats in positions they can smile in
but tonight they're just the...
straight lines in crooked wrists

longing insensitive
to needs outside my own for shit that I don't need
I'm tired of metaphors
of finding better ways to not say something nice
to you, to all my friends
hellbent more than heaven sent
destroyed and destructive
what I does is what I am

I wanted to be your god
but I failed you, in a sense, does that mean I kind of was
the curtain called again
is it just me or are we both getting old

there's too much to say
about a life built to be taken
for granted much like sloppy cursive
we can't tell what each other's saying
words with eyes with half our minds
we stay the course, engage the anguish
of the verbs our flesh define
and bottles with our body language

I'm all bent out of shape and now
Track Name: Phantom Tongue
best of all the pain keeps me
knowing I haven't said all I can say
redemption always has a halfway
some things you leave for others to take

and all the lies you see
are all from inside of me
the nervous ticks, imagination, a poorly hidden seam
I can't hem my heart to fit it on your sleeve

the war took all I thought and changed me
into something someone varnished unclean
the polish it won't come off, trust me
I've been greasing elbows with fonder memories

and all the pride in me
is a phantom limb of speech
it's broken English, spoken clearly, perfect to a 'T'
but i can't speak the language so you know what I mean

I trace myself in a number phrase
you are what I was
right down to the core I'm wasting all my breath tonight...
I am yours
Track Name: Treehouse Kingdom
sunlight's fast to fill your tears
granted clemency from home
arduously peel back fears
to find what hope they hold

I don't need to bleed to know I'm real
disgusted by the way it holds appeal

ten syllables of sonnet speak
were enough to melt you through
forty hours lost each week
that somehow define you

honestly, I'll only let you down
but give a good speech while our faces drown

it's okay, if you don't want to feel
by the wait, time has sealed the deal
like a kiss that's afraid to fade
comes prepared to die, knows it's place

backyard bastards plot with zeal
to raise hell from their thrones
treehouse kingdom movie reels
defenseless little trolls

these city streets are over county lines
children blind to color, gray in mind

a castaway feeding foot to mouth
it's a diet of disease
a sky for roof and a street for house
a fifth of five o'clock relief

I swear I didn't always look like this
sugar's sweet but rots your perspective
Track Name: Tell Ed Hi (demo)
if I could choose
I would make the most of the past
sometimes youth
beats you up before you can beat a path

Margery, tell Edward hi for me
Michael seemed to prematurely sign his lease
then came this bullshit
my mind's been bent into shapes
it was not built
a shrine defined by the way
it was right before they died
closed your eyes
give a shit
feasting on the famine left inside

love's not free
it'll cost you more in the end
than what you think
unless you're the first one dead

Margery, I hope Edward Anthony
is still a thing
nightmares kinder than the dreams
that I've had lately
I wake up and the line between sweat and tears
gets blurred as fuck day or night
after fourteen years of goodbyes
I'm so tired
of everyone leaving
when you give it enough time
Track Name: May 19th
drunk in love and high on life
a microscopic chasm reached inside
and we brace to the edge we race to the end of our time
blurring out, the mileage counts, the speaker's fuzzing cry for

this target is coming down
this topic's not calming down

a kick in the ass or a kick in the head
makes no difference what the difference is
there were laws of science
...before there were scientists
and they'll remain there like remainders after we're all dead

the upside is coming down
a right fit doesn't make a sound

give me the shop key, give the pill
I've got a longing I need to fill
so in love with distance, this patience is pure
maddening with instance of symptoms to cure